back in the saddle

last week was pretty hard on lots of different fronts and i started to question my abilities in various aspects of my life. since i wasn't able to prove to myself in tangible ways at most of the other parts of my life, i decided to prove myself on the road. for the first time since beginning training, i was out for 3 days in a row, although my saturday walk was not a huge distance. the 3rd day, sunday, was my distance day this week as i hadn't made it to my TNT training on saturday. though technically not there until this coming weekend, i decided i needed, purely for my own self satisfaction, to hit the 5 mile mark. i also decided to not worry about time and just go for the distance.

i headed out and my legs instantly began to protest, sending information to my brain about what a mean human being i was for asking them to perform 3 days in a row. they painted mental pictures of flames shooting up the fronts and twisty pretzels in the back. they flipped between screaming profanities, threatening to stop working, and trying to cajole the rest of me into turning around and going home. but i just stopped, stretched, and headed out for more. my pace was unremarkable, but since i was going for the distance i chose not to care (well, most of me did. there is still the competetive 5 year old who can do the math in about a half of a second.) On the way out, i stopped multiple times to stretch, and with each distance landmark i regrouped to decide if this was really a good idea. at 1 mile, the 2 mile round trip point, i considered giving in and going back, but i knew i wanted more than 2 miles today, even if 5 turned out to be too much. at 1.5, the furthest i have traveled this way, i was really worrying that the walk back would be too much and that i would not be able to make it, but again assured myself that i could stop and sit if i wanted to, but that this was about distance not time. also, i had my phone and i knew denise was home, so worst case scenario ended with her picking me up and giving me a ride home. i popped a cliff bar energy block in my mouth for a burst of energy (much tastier than Gu and you can kind of park it in the corner of your mouth for a slow steady supply of energy. plus, it makes your spit taste all fruit roll-up-y). at the 2 mile mark, i was actually finally feeling stronger and had figured out which stretch was helping with the legs, and since this was all new walking territory anyway, i decided to go for the 2.5 mark, the 5 mile turn around. the last half mile was mostly downhill. Literally. which felt great except the whole time i was thinking, "downhill now means uphill back, with another half of a mile of fatigue added in". but i pushed on. when i finally hit the 2.5 marker, i stopped for about a minute, stretched, and immediately turned around and headed back up the hill. I never looked up, i stared at the ground and chanted "just keep moving, just keep moving"...out loud.....i must have looked like a sociopath. but once i made it, i felt so much better. i was at the top of the biggest hill of the walk and knew that there wouldn't be another one that big to do today. I remembered when Grampy St.Clair used to push me on the walk up "Huffa-Puffa Mountain" when i was a kid, how much it hurt, how much i didn't want to be there, and i remembered that i was here today because i wanted to be, there was no on making me, i was doing it because i wanted to. so i invited Grampy to walk with me for a bit, and i thought of him for some time on the hard part of the walk.

the way back was much easier. my legs had finally chilled out either from realizing that i wasn't going to listen to them or from sufficient blood flow and cliff bar blocks. i only had to stop and stretch once, and i hit up the water fountain by the playground, but otherwise it was a steady pace home. i also realized that 2 months ago, the walk to the playground which is less than a half a mile, was exhausting, and now it looked like home. Actually, the 1 mile from home marker looks like home. i hit that point and i relax, as if i am thinking, "well, i know i can make it now"

that's pretty cool

oh, and for the 5 year old in me, and posterity sake, the whole thing took exactly an hour and a half, which is an average of an 18 minute mile. the first half took 51 minutes and the way back took 39 (20 minute miles going out, 15:36 coming back)

But who's counting ;)